Holy shit I'm an idiot. I went to the pub the other night expecting just to stay on the diet cokes all night. Well i managed to stay on diet coke but it happened to be mixed with double vodkas and intermittent shots of sambuca.
I guess that wouldn't have been too bad cause hey, every ones allowed to get wasted every now and again! The difference here being i just couldn't keep my fucking mouth shut!
I drunkenly decided to tell my mate (lets call him H) that when we went for a meal last week i threw it up afterwards. And trust me H has the biggest mouth on the planet.
My mate hells bells was also there but she already knew about my little problem, my boyfriend M was also there but he also knows about my little problem. I'm just so pissed off that i told H, cause I've told him about my self-harm problems in the past and he's made comments in public. I'm such a dick head!!! I'm really worried that words gonna get round and if it gets back to my family, I'm in trouble, my mother will watch me like a bloody hawk ( she's controlling enough as it is!).
I also feel like shit today cause i ate a pain au chocolat for my breakfast (244 calories) i mean fucking hell what a heifer!
I hate it when i cant control my food urges! I weighed myself today and I'm 11st 4lb, which is just fucking immense I'm 5 ft 8 inches but that still means I've got a BMI of 24.7 which is just fucking sickening!!!
I hate myself so much right now!! I hate the way my body feels, all chunky and chubby. I can feel the fat it's just gross!!!
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